Yeah, been kinda MIA for while on my account at least. A lot has been happening since last year and trust me I am not an angst whore looking for attention, nor do I ride the Emo Bus around for attention either.
But life happens. For some of us, it happens more often than for others. Which in a way makes us stronger and better able to handle kicks and punches life throws at us.
Short and sweet-
Last year I finally bought a house. Mine all mine with the guidance and help of my sister. Things were stressful but after most of my life living here and there (with no real certainty) it was nice to be able to have something I knew was mine.
Things were going well, fresh idea's, inspiration for not only my craft and art but for the house as well. Then, life happened. My mate of 4yrs was hit with a debilitating back condition. It was a slight annoyance at first, then he moved a piece of furniture we bought new for the house and it crippled him. He had herniated a disk. After much stress and fighting with doctors and insurance we found ways of treatment that worked for a while that did not involve surgery. We didn't want to go that rout since my mate is so young. (his 34 & I am 25. Yes he is a Puma
During the months this was going on, my mates mother was dying. She had been prior (that woman was too stubborn to die, I swear! lol )
but it was becoming more progressive.
Tie in some unnecessary work drama from co-workers who obviously did not have enough shit going on in their lives that they needed to start shit at work.
(thankfully my boss is very understanding and very neutral )
Then, shortly after the the first time my mate went "down" due to his back, in early July his mother passed.
I truly believe the only thing that held us together and kept us as sane as possible was that we went to Megaplex. We had been telling his mother about the con prior to going for the first time and she was so encouraging about it we felt we needed to go.
Add in more work drama (I lost people I thought were my friends for years at work), my mate going down two more times and it's Yule time! We ran out of options and he had to have back surgery, spinal surgery to be more exact.
He was scheduled for surgery in early January but due to some mix up and a form not being filed, it was delayed to MLK day. ( I do find it funny that he had his back cracked open while Obama did his inauguration speech XD)
Thankfully the hospital and staff were amazing and he is home recovering, when he freaking listens! >_<
I am very thankful for the handful of friends I have that have been supportive and willing to help. It's hard for me to rely on others due to a lot of things I will not get into now. But trust and counting on others is very hard for me. So telling people about all this is also hard, but I am doing it to try and regain some peace. I read doing this releases a lot off of ones mind and heart/spirit and needles to say but I am so full of stress that I am about to explode.
I feel like I haven't been happy and full of life in a very long time and I am just existing. Counting one day to another, waiting to feel something different in between working, stress and drinking.
(Don't judge, if I didn't drink I'd have killed someone by now. I don't smoke or toke so I drink. So NAH! XP )
I don't want to survive. I want to live. I want to get back to how things were. Work on art, joke, laugh with friends and enjoy life.
I know it sounds angsty and I know things are looking up. I guess I am just rundown. Oh and I am NOT complaining. Just expressing myself. I always know that things can be worse and I am thankful they are not. Doesn't mean it's any easier.
It's just life.